This was written January 3, 2007 (a lot has changed and a lot has stayed the same...)
Current mood: apathetic
Happy 2007!
My parents were out late last night gambling and celebrating and when I stumbled downstairs at 7:00 am they were on their way out the door again. Guess Dad is on a hot streak and they are trying to get enough money together to buy a new Lexus. Mom wants a Lexus before she dies. And her thinking is that since she might not live too long they better get busy on it. Can't say as I find fault with that thinking and since she does have breast/lung cancer it's true that she might die soon. But, I have this feeling she'll live to be 90 if not longer. As my sister says, Evil never dies. Not that mom is evil incarnate exactly, she's just evil enough to live to be 90.
My sons spent the weekend in Atlanta with my sister and her kids. They have fun over there, lots of people and things to do. So it was just me at the house last night. I was too down and depressed to play EQ2 or even read. Which is pretty damn down. No particular reason for it. Just couldn't get enough energy up to open my eyes and face life I guess.
Right before Mom left the house this morning she started rambling about getting her poodles groomed. It seems she has this theory that nothing can be done because Pres. George W Bush has extended Pres. Ford's funeral and viewing for a couple days because of the holidays. In my Mom's mind this translates into the fact that dog groomers will have extra days off. I have NO idea how you get these 2 thoughts to reconcile to each other but she does. As I was standing there slugging back my coffee listening to her ramble on about it, it just seemed to prove that I really do live in the freaking twilight zone.
This morning I started reading a book so I must be feeling a bit better. Not that laying in bed reading a book is the epitomy of being energized and full of life. It's just that much better than laying in bed not reading a book. I even managed to feed the sea monkeys. Sea monkeys are just about the perfect pet. I highly recommend them. I like my birds and the fish are cool. Mom's poodles are a pain in the ass, even though the kids seem to enjoy them. But, for easy maintenance vs. entertainment value sea monkeys win hands down.
Well I'm going back to my book. Who knows I might even get up later and do something exciting, like the laundry, or clean the bathrooms, hell I might go really wild and shampoo the carpets! We'll just have to wait and see. Life is what you make it and well life in BFE Mississippi is not that much different than life anywhere else, really, just a whole lot less going on.
(after thinking about it I figured out what the hell my problem is... I'm homesick. I want to go home, not to the 'home' where my family is, but my real home. Just like Dorothy, except without the red shiny shoes.
I really really do not belong in Mississippi or anywhere near here. I'm trying and there are some good things about being here but I miss Washington, I miss Seattle, I miss Bellingham, I miss Sedro-Woolley, hell I even miss Mount Vernon. I miss knowing where things are, I miss the Sound, the mountains, the rain, the cold gray skies, I miss Jack-in-the-Box, I miss the Skagit River, Mount Baker, Hwy 20, Chuckanut Dr. I miss my friends most of all.
I've moved tons of times. I have lived all over the country but I lived in WA the longest and I guess it got in me. Even when I was a kid I didn't get homesick. Well that's not a surprise really. When I was shipped off to various people for months at a time, I was THANKFUL to not be at home. Most of the time I didn't even know where I was or the people that I was staying with. And that was just fine and dandy with me.
Oh well I keep telling myself, this too shall pass. And I know it will. I am determined that my boys will be happy, healthy and safe so it's worth it to be here for them. It's just sometimes, I really really want to go home.)
