I was inspired to revisit some of the you-might-be-an-aspie-if sites by a conversation I had tonight. I am STILL amazed at how many of these I can apply to myself. haha!
Some of my favorites:
You might be an Aspie if:
You quit smoking, not because you're worried about lung cancer, but because you're tired of setting your hair on fire....
You can remember the exact date The Flintstones premiered (Oct. 1, 1960) and the name and production number of the first episode (P-1, "The Swimming Pool") but completely forgot about the now-congealed tuna casserole that's been sitting in your microwave for three days...
You get really ticked because you realize the first episode of "The Flintstones" to air on Oct. 1, 1960 was episode P-2, "The Flintstone Flyer" (it aired out of production order) but didn't catch the mistake until you sent off the e-mail, and now you're going to look like an idiot...
You can sing the Esperanto anthem--in Esperanto
("En la mondon venas nova sento,
Tra la mondon iras forta voco...")
but your own country's national anthem throws you...("Where was that part about the 'ramparts' again?")
You actually spent hours on the internet trying to find a MIDI of the Esperanto anthem...'cause obscure anthems are your "thing" this month...
You actually know what Esperanto *is.*
You wonder why in the world someone would design a flag and write an anthem for a nonexistant nation--as you're headed to Klingon language camp...
If it takes you 5 minutes to explain where the mayonnaise is in the refrigerator....
when someone says, "Now take a minute and picture -in your head- something or other", you wonder why it would be necessary to suggest it, because you always have pictures in your head....(OMG YES!)
- you never worry about an umbrella and point out to people that they aren`t going to fizz like alka-seltzer if they get wet.
- your hands are always covered in burns, cuts and scars, and the only ones you noticed getting are the really spectacular ones, but they never hurt anyway.
- people keep saying if they were you, they wouldn`t be telling anybody about the idiotic ways you got those burns, cuts and scars.
- at any one time you can count 200 scars on both hands.
*note* The scar thing is WAY too close to home!
if you are the only one behaving rationally in a real emergencey and everyone else is angry at you for trying to get them to get to safety...
The last time you moved house, you had 25 large boxes of books to every one smallish box of clothing.
It took you, your parents, a friend, and 4 movers 3 days to move all your stuff, and you were only moving out of a 2 bedroom apartment! (what can I say. Clutter is my life.)
You question whether you are really a Homo Sapiens Sapiens.. and not a seperate sub-spiecies like H. Sap. Sap. Varient Aspie.
You have ever seriously wondered if some ancestor of yours was in fact a space alien who 'jumped the fence'.
You've ever joked that in your last life, you lived on Alpha Centauri.
You refer to what is supposedly your own species as "Humans".. or worse, "Homo Sapiens Sapiens". Extra points for times you shake your head and mutter "Humans...." when you see some example of social behavior that you find unattractive, like bullying or extreme faddishness, or being boistrously over-social. Extra points if those times happen more than one time a day.
You hate having to talk on the phone and confine your conversational depth to 'Yup', 'Nope', and 'Bye'. 10 additional points if you answer the phone with either 'Me'. or 'What do you want?'
You go outside and are instantly mobbed by animals, because animals always love you. They sense something different about you and that makes them feel safe and happy.
You take apart computers or other electronics for fun. 10 additional points if you started doing this before you were five years old. (Remember the see'n'say picture viewers? Mine was dissassembled in about 2 minutes, I was 5!)
You own more than 3 different types of earplugs or sunglasses. (Haha!! I have over 20 pairs of sunglasses and at LEAST 6 types of earplugs!)
You play 'Name That Bruise!' in the bath, because you have no idea where you got them. (Haha or you actually take photographs of your inumerable bruises, make collages and send them to friends!)
You gave up on ever convincing people that you are not odd ages ago. You now just live your life and to hell with anyone who thinks it strange. (ayup!)
You introduce yourself to people you've already met over and over again because you are face-blind. (YES!)
You would rather have your liver pecked out by a giant crow than spend a day at the mall. (Hahahahaaha sooo true!)
If your classic book report assignment is rejected because the school board doesn't accept the works of Stan Lee (It is TOO classic!!!)
You reinforce the foundations and floors of your house to allow for the sheer tonnage of books you own and insist on keeping around for frequent re-readings, even though you remember everything in them.
You own more books than anyone in your city.
You spend over 30% of your income on either books or collectables related to an interest. 10 additional points if you're supporting more than one interest in this manner. (Doesn't EVeryone??!!!?)
you fiddle around with your computer, sell it, reinstall Windows, crash it, try different combinations of the above and occasionally give up on computers for life (for a couple of days) so often that you have to rebuild your meagre list of about 6 favourites once every couple of weeks. (hahahahaaha oh by the way don't trip over the computer parts and pieces in the middle of the BATHroom!~ Seriously, I have pictures....)
...you want to sky-dive or bungee jump, but you wouldn't do it if you had to drive through traffic to get there.
...if when you were a kid, and other kids wanted to play ball, you wanted to turn toy cars over and spin their wheels.
...on the one hand you think you are the most interesting person you know, but not too many other people are trying to get to know you.
...you have learned to say "why" in several different languages. (warum? pse? zasto? proc? hvorfor? waarom? bakit? pourquoi? mengapa? perché? por que? почему?)
...your boss says, "Do such and such", and you can't do it until you know "why", because you are not going to waste your time on doing something that doesn't make sense. (absodamnlutely!)
...if you refused to let your grown son get rid of his legos, because you wanted to have the option of playing with them yourself again. (legos, action figures, books, puzzles, trading cards....:)
...you get extremely disappointed in yourself if you don't know something when you need to know it because you really "SHOULD" know that. (All the damn time!)
you have to ransack your entire residence a couple of times a week trying to find something you often need, and even though you usually don't find what you're looking for you find half a dozen useful other things you thought you'd lost, often even something you actively need that day. (a couple times a day!)
...you get all cleaned up and dressed for a party and just before you walk out the door you remember you hate parties so you switch on the computer, put on a t-shirt and get settled in for the night. (haha! yep)
You like defraging your hard drive so you can watch little blue squares lining up for a couple of hours. (it's great fun!)
you go to the paper shop to buy a newspaper but you can't decide whether to get the Herald or the Telegraph, then you remember news is all lies and nonsense (not to mention a waste of trees!) so you go home again without a paper. (I did this exact thing last week!)
when someone recommends that you ask Jesus into you heart, you form a mental picture of him changing the wallpaper in your left atrium. (Usually I picture more of a soft-shoe shuffle through the entranceway...)
you firmly believe that amyotropic laterosclerosis should be named for Stephen Hawking instead of Lou Gehrig. (Firmly!)
you need a sedative when you go to an ice-cream parlour with more than two flavors. (I'm not quite that bad... but mainly that's because I don't like ice cream! :)
If you would rather eat broken glass than go to a sorority party (pretty much)
your significant other sleeps on the sofa because there's JUST too little room for the two of you and your stuffed animals (10 points more if said animals are ordered alphabetically by scientific name).(Hahaha um there are pictures of just such an occurance that 'may' have taken place in a habitation of mine...)
you've ever created your own Plexiglass lunchbox to help you remember at a glance whether you're going to the office or coming home. (I didn't do this, didn't even think of it, but damn that's a GOOD idea!)
you've ever told somebody, "I'M NOT IMMATURE--I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT, I'M NOT!!!!"
"Do you want fries with that" aggravates your PTSD. (hahaha omg /cringe.)
you find it easier to remember something reasonable like "acetylsalicylic acid" than some arcane, fancy-shmantz word like "aspirin". (I'd like to thank my dear old dad for passing along this trait! Cameron will have fond memories of his mom and grumpa discussing why the sodium laurel sulfate solution might have an adverse effect on the dermatological layer of his canine companion and that extreme care and vigilance should be used in it's application with some thought given to perhaps substituting a more canine compatible cleansing formulation.)
the word "Hallmark" makes you think "When you care enough to send the very best", and you can remember tons of those kinds of "ad" lines and you use them in everyday speech. (AND at the same time you are visualizing the 'pun' that is a Hallmark card with an actual Hallmark on it! hahahahah)
you are going to college and petrified by the question "what is your major" because you don't know if it should be, English, Russian, Art, Art History, Psychology or whatever your next interest will be, OR if you should pursue your own personalized major program in Eremitic Studies or Anti-Social Science. (absolutely terrified!)
.if the thought, "there has to be a pattern to this" is a major theme of your life. (MAJOR!!!)
you actually KNOW that an Aspergerian is not a vegetable you cover in Hollandaise sauce.
you can't stand kids but you spend inordinate amounts of time browsing through "Toys 'R' Us". (I actually like kids -mostly- but yeah an INORDINATE amount of time at "Toys 'R' Us")
you think that only a sadistic inhuman fiend from the deepest recesses of hell could have written/inspired pieces like "The Chipmonk Song". (Christmas, Christmas time is here--AAAAARRRGGGGHH!!) (EVERY year it's the same! I've made numerous posts about this topic in the past but seriously WTF?!!!)
you have dreams of communicating with extraterrestrials and nightmares about chatting with the next-door neighbour. (Haha!!!!! full on night-terrors!)
You have a stuffed animal collection and have to take one with you when you travel to keep you company. (well I gave up traveling with my teddy bear at a much younger age... 32!;)
You manage to make out a list of shopping items to buy, and you hate making lists. You feel all proud of yourself for your accomplishment until you realize once you're at the store that you left it on the kitchen counter. (I don't really hate making lists, it's just one of those things that takes a little extra effort and yeah I do this EVERY trip to the damn grocery store. I DO hate grocery stores...)
Someone asks you how you are and you give an honest answer about what a rotten day you had and go on for 5 minutes about it. Then they get insulted or bored and you get confused 'cause after all, they DID ask. (HAHA I dedicate this one to Susan, we have commiserated over and boglged about this on a few occasions!)
you follow rules to the letter - but only if they make sense to you. (Guilty as charged! Afterall an illogical rule cannot by definition actually apply to anything!)
you consider the pleasantries of others just a waste of time. (Pleasantries of others are one of my BIGGEST pet peeves... IS THERE A POINT TO YOUR MEANDERING RAMBLING REPETITIONS???!!!!! PUH_LEEEEZE ARRIVE AT IT IMMEDIATELY IF NOT SOONER!)
you understand a certain figure of speech because it was explained to you, but you still wonder what idiot could come up with something like that.(one of my hobbies, trying to figure out where a figure of speech came about and what sort of idiot came up with it in the first place)
you go to buy butter and come back with 12 different items, none of which is butter.(Yet another reason to avoid the grocery store at all costs!)
you talk your body into functioning when it refuses to be healthy enough to do certain things - and it often works. (This IS how I get through most days)
you collect stuffed felines and have more than 300 and know the names of all of them (and their personalities) but you still mix up your relatives. (*blush* I don't have 300...)
someone did some work for you trying to help you and thus ruined your whole day and the last few months of work because you absolutely NEEDED to finish it yourself.(Recently I asked a friend to tell me that they would do some work for me, because I knew as soon as I heard those words I would be totally motiveated to DO IT MYSELF and get it done as soon as possible to avoid ANY chance of anyone else actually doing it)
if you spend hours trying to figure out how someone could find a meaning in your words that was not there. (Hours, Days, WEEKS!!! It is one of the banes of my existence. AND there MUST be a solution IF I could only find the freaking reason it happens ALL the freaking time! hehe yeah just a little bitter about this one...)
your aunt had an accident while she was out with the dog, and you ask if the dog is alright. (I dedicate this one to my son, Liam!)
someone wants to get past you and says "excuse me" and you reply "sure" without moving a bit. (I dedicate this one to my brother, and BOTH of my sons! LOL)
you forget to eat or drink for a few days because you are working on an interesting project.
you insist on your view on fairness even when anyone else thinks you have gone mad. (and this one is dedicated to my son, Cameron. Poor baby just cannot get over the fact that life isn't fair, even though it really, really should be!)
you pass by a playground and see a nonverbal child you know playing with sand and water. You join in and have absolutely no problems with spending hours there, not speaking a word, and the two of you not even looking at each other.
...instead you have a very vocal and animated talk with the tomcat from downstairs - all in cat-language, of course. (haha VERY vivid flashbacks of doing this almost exactly)
the girl you've been trying to impress finally catches on and gets a new hairdo with the idea of impressing you back, and you walk right by her without recognizing, and she grabs you and provokes you to ask, "WHO are YOU? (This one goes out to you, Rob!)
you not only line things up, you always line them up in a symmetrical arrangement. (well if you are going to line them up, they may as well by symmetrical!)
you can't give up reading the newspaper, even though you'll never get through to to all the articles you want to read, and as a result, you're now out of living space because you can't bear to part with the back issues for fear of losing one deep in the pile where you know there's an important story you never gor around to reading (ten extra points if you know which pile said important story is in, and approximately how deep in that paper is).(I don't do this with newspapers, but holy hell you should see the files I've saved on my computer for further reading at some future point in time)
You know your aspie when you can smell the storm before it starts to rain, But you go and check the weather channel anyway just to be sure hehehe.(I DO THIS!)
only hours after a biology final you spend $6 on a magazine devoted to brain science, especially because it has an article on savants (including Kim Peek and autistic artist Richard Wawro) and you look forward to the deep relaxation you will feel while propped up in bed reading it. (I seriously had to read this one 3 times to see why this one might be considered Aspie, because, it seemed like a perfectly reasonable, acceptable, fun thing to do to me!)
you feel somehow privileged to have insights into the subject of cultural anthropology because you have been studying anthropo's your whole life trying to figure out what makes their culture tick.
(it's Temple Grandin who compared herself an "anthropologist on Mars") (YES, YES, YES!!!)
...you are extremely grateful for online tax preparation because: a)no one has to try to decipher your handwriting,
b)you don't have to see or talk to anyone to file your taxes, not even the people at the post office. (You have NO idea!- it's also one of the greatest things about online shopping- If I am out and the kids want pizza, I will DRIVE HOME to order it online and then have it delivered to my house)
your teacher commands every one in the room to pair-off to discuss a topic and you are extremely relieved that no one wants to be your partner. (Dreaded this! Almost as much as "Ok class, now we are going to share about ourselves...")
...you always liked the phrase "deja vu" and have experienced it, of course, but you were really happy when you learned about, "jamais vu", because it's always nice to know that the psychologists have picked pretty sounding French words to describe your problems.
After thinking about "jamais vu", you think about, "rien vu", and wonder if you just invented a new phrase.....
Je jamais vu rien, je deja vu rien jamais.
And you think that "jamais vu" might be what happens when you see your neighbor outside in his or her pajamas. And then you think, "wow, I sure am funny." I am. Funny. :-) (hahahaha all the time!)
you don't think an aspie board would be very authentic without some argumentative pontificating, I defend argumentative pontificating because I myself am prone to such. Although, I am only trying to be factual and helpful. (and this one goes out to Cory! :)
...if you cook home cooked dog food for your dog, which recipe is based on the latest in dog nutrition, but you frequently have coffee and pie for breakfast and go days without eating a proper meal with vegetables.(/nod)
You think the sound of competetetetetivenessnessness, is more satisfying than the regular way of saying it. (well it is!)
You get irritated when people come up to talk to you when you are doing something important like; staring at a wall, trying to find a space in your mind that is not overwhelmed by noise and imposing people with their desire to converse.
Never mind when people come by unannounced when you are totally getting into some research topic or painting or doing mosaics or whatever.....Hi! How nice to see you! Now go home! I'm busy!!! (Sorry!)
one of your favorite hobbies is "autie spotting". (I share this pastime with friends it's so fun!)
---another one is dog watching...not unlike bird watching...you keep track of all the breeds you have seen in real life, like: "Guess what? I saw a Keeshond today!!" (this is genetic ;) - 2 days ago when Liam and I were waiting in the Vet's office for Charlie, we spent the WHOLE time studying the large poster of 'Dog Breeds of the World' and discussing all of the different dogs we'd seen and the ones we really wanted to see..)
.if you think an old fashioned egg beater is a very cool toy. (it is TOTALLY a very cool toy. I have 2... an extra just in case one breaks, I've never beaten an egg with either one of them)
if you are a 43 year old woman and you just can't make hair-spray work for you. (well i'm 'only' 41...)
if you think cataclysm is a really great word. Catamaran, catatonic, catalyst, Catalan, catalogue, catastrophe all great words, and they start with CAT, which is neat, too. Patagonia is a neat word, too. And sassafras. (don't forget "catch phrase' I wonder what that means exactly? does it have the same root as catalogue? how do you catch a phrase exactly and what is a frasier? is it at all like a brasier? and how on earth is it different than a brassier? and what stupid idiot invented those things anyway, I notice he didn't invent an ballsier! But, ballsier would just lend size to testicles it wouldn't actually restrain them ....)
if you talk back to the people on the TV and radio and call them idiots or say sarcastic things to commercials. (one of the many reasons why I should never watch TV especially in the company of people that are not familiar with my little 'quirks'.)
you knew years ahead of time that you weren't going to the senior prom.
...by the time the prom came, they couldn't have paid you a million dollars to go to the prom. (Ok just LAST week at a family discussion, my sister says to her husband "Courtney never had teenage bad skin like you at all, she always had clear skin as a teenage" and my Dad pipes in "But she never had to worry about going to things like the Junior and Senior Prom either" I am NOT kidding this was last week! - and no I did not read this list until tonight!)
if you thought when you were 8 years old that you had no chance at being Miss America because you had so many scars on your knees and legs. (I'm thinking this is a girl thing...) (Haha I am one walking scar, I thought the last dermatologist was going to have a conniption fit about the state of my skin)
.if you have ever looked at your feet and thought that they looked like they were about 25 feet away from your head. (sometimes they are just closer than others.....)
So those were some of my favorites. Here are some other cool articles (Especially if you happen to be an Aspie :)
How to Live With Asperger's Syndrome and Develop Social Skills
How to Avoid Common Hygiene Mistakes
And my Favorite Asperger's: My life as an Earthbound alien
The picture is from this very sweet site Teaching Jeremiah, A Journey into the Mind of an Asperger's Child
